First time I cried

I wanted to spend time with him on CNY eve but he told me that he wanted to spend time with his family...so don't I mean as much to him as his family? and I cried. This is the first time I cried, apart from when I was a baby. I've never cried in my entire life. But I cried today. Why am I so distraught juz because he can't spend time with me on CNY eve? What's more he already promised to spend time with me before his reunion dinner. Why do I care so much about whether he can spend time with me at night or not? I hate myself. On the one hand, I tried to be nonchalant about ethg and appear independent. On the other hand, I long for his presence and his company. This is my retribution for falling in love with someone. Haiz.

I swear that I'll never cry again, not for him definitely. Aargh, I would rather be single. I don't like the feeling of being heartbroken and being tormented. Why is my heart so fragile? My gosh!

And why do I keep wanting him to accompany me during occasions like Christmas and New Year? I was already heartbroken twice when he couldn't spend time with me on both days, especially when he knew that I love countdowns. My brother could sacrifice his time with us on such occasions. Why can't he? Does it mean that my brother loves his gf so much that he's willing to do ethg for her whereas my own bf can't do that for me? Where will I stand should I marry him? I'll prob be so oppressed in his family, such that I don't have a voice of my own. I don't like it. Should I continue my relationship with him? Or am I too nice to him already such that he's just taking advantage of me. Will I ever be happy with him? Or am I just being too petty?

My tears can't seem to stop rolling. Why do I behave this way? I really never cried before. He's the only one who really made my tears fall and my heart shred into pieces. I hate him!